mon stylo saignant

I’m gonna be honest here:

I’m not a good poet cause my pen is possessed, my mind is a mess

I don’t have a rhythm and I don’t like to rhyme if it hinders my thoughts

I have a storm that makes me go in circles and trip

and sometimes the wind picks me up so I know

how it’s like to drift

even when I’m strapped with a seat belt in a car going straight.

 

I don’t like when words taste like metal

or when they sound like plastic

and for some reason I notice this more and more often…

 

It’s hard to see invisible words in the air.

I don’t mean to seem like I don’t see you either

cause everything’s a fast blur ’til I’m in my place

I apologize for each and every time you’re pushed away

by a gust of wind

The turbulence of bottling in,

trying to keep my lines even

But the thunder doesn’t roll, it explodes

and my pen seems to move on her own

But maybe that’s because I’m in denial.

 

I know my pen’s true self when it’s just the two of us

She’s the most insane and frightening I know

She rides with the clouds, no matter how dark

and doesn’t use proper grammar sometimes..

So I don’t always get what she says and why

Cause she carries a glass filled over the top,

can’t help but repeat herself to herself and would

write in all caps like a slop..

Well she can say a ton of words that are otherwise numb

And she can loudly scream without any sound

But whenever she stops and falters, I’d either hear the

buzzing of words getting tangled up

or the crushing vacuum of outer space

And I’d remember that me and my pen are just like the same

My reflection’s right here on the page…

 

And then I always have to clean up her mess so you can read it

And it does seem to take a while longer

But it’s disappointing how it’ll never turn out just the way I want it to be.

There’s still a million other words that you just cannot see…

I cannot put two different sentences on top of each other if they

don’t make sense anywhere else

And there are things that just don’t fit anywhere at all.

And I spend too much time trying to think of how to fill in the holes

so you don’t fall through

But I cannot fill in every one of them..

 

So I’d really love if I could just write out of the lines and

be able to see those invisible words in the air and

to never find myself saying anymore words that taste like metal

Especially during times like this where I’m terrified that you’d

miss something important

~ + ~

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Jaehee’s Route | Mystic Messenger Game Review Part 4

“Your happiness depends on what makes your soul sing.”

Mystic Messenger Game Review Page

Previously: Zen’s Route | Mystic Messenger Game Review Part 3

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As the only other female in the RFA, Jaehee Kang works as Jumin Han’s chief assistant at C&R International. She’s a HUGE FAN of Zen, so she totally loves to talk about his great looks and talents. And personally, she aspires to follow her own dreams and to succeed as an independent woman.

Throughout her life, she has always aimed to take charge of her responsibilities. However, there’s only so much she can do under so much pressure.

During her route, Jumin puts Jaehee in charge of most of the paperwork for both a new cat project and a coffee project for his company. Jaehee becomes more interested in coffee, but then Jumin disapproves of it because for some reason, he wants her to focus more on the cat project. Sounds silly, I know… But the rest of the RFA becomes concerned for her health because Jumin seems to overwork her.

Although Jaehee knows she has to do as her boss tells her, she soon realizes she wants to follow her dreams instead of succumbing to a life in which she loses track of herself.

Zen’s Route | Mystic Messenger Game Review Part 3

“You don’t see love with your eyes, you see it with your heart.”

Mystic Messenger Game Review Page

Previously: Yoosung’s Route| Mystic Messenger Game Review Part 2

~ + ~

Zen is a talented musical actor who likes to take selfies and brag about his looks. It’s undeniable that he’s a seriously handsome person, and it’s a fact that he’s THE FLIRTIEST guy in the RFA. But although he can be quite narcissistic, he always genuinely cares about the MC, even when the MC is not on his route. Plus, he actually wants people to recognize him more for his talents rather than his looks.

His story route doesn’t have a lot to do with the encompassing story with Rika and Mint Eye (honestly, I think this route is the least “relevant”) because it focuses more on Zen’s personal life and career. The only relevant things are that he joins the RFA after Rika approaches him and praises his talents, and that he becomes worried for the MC after learning about the Hacker. And then… that’s about it.

However, there’s definitely a sweet romance going on, and his troubled past is revealed as well. You wouldn’t get thrown into a crazy rollercoaster like Yoosung’s route, but Zen might go and make you feel so flattered and all. And I’m serious when I said he flirts a lot, so this route is not something you should take too seriously. But I was fine with playing around with him, and I would smile while shaking my head and making weird noises whenever he says something embarrassing or cheesy. And sigh… This little emoji GETS ME EVERY TIME:

Anyway, he had quite a rough childhood because his looks caused a lot of trouble. People would touch him and follow him around, so his parents tried to convince him that he was ugly. Moreover, they didn’t want him to try to be another one of those famous celebrities, and they would rather have him be more productive as a lawyer or a professor, like the rest of his family. So then, he eventually ran away from home and started living by himself…

The Glass Castle | Book Review

Author: Jeannette Walls

Genre: Memoir

Published: March 2005

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The Glass Castle is a memoir of Jeannette Walls’ rough childhood and her life’s journey through the various places her family lived. Her mother was a teacher and an aspiring artist, and her alcoholic father gambled at bars and took up “odd jobs.”

Although her family was always low on money and could barely afford any food, they tried their best to work with whatever they had. The parents tried to hold a positive attitude and taught the kids many life lessons in peculiar ways. For instance, Jeannette started cooking unsupervised at the age of three, and the only rule given to her and her siblings was to be home before dark. This kind of parenting isn’t recommended though…

But despite of the family’s worn out clothes and filth from not bathing for days, they were actually a loving family who remained loyal to one another. The mother taught the kids how to think of riding shabby cars as an adventure, and the father taught them about math, physics, and how to fight demons and bad guys for self-defense.

So, wherever they went, the kids were ahead in their academics, smarter at reading, writing, and mathematics than the others in their grade. But every time the family ran into problems with the police or some other people, they would “do the skedaddle”—driving away through the desert in a rickety old car to find another small town, taking only a few belongings with them and leaving the rest behind.

But throughout Jeannette’s upbringing, her father drew blueprints and made plans to build an actual glass castle, and he figured it was possible by first inventing a contraption called the Prospector, which would be used to find gold and strike them all rich.

Yoosung’s Route | Mystic Messenger Game Review Part 2

I mean, what could you do if you suddenly lost a loved one, but you were left in the dark about what happened?

Mystic Messenger Game Review Page

Mystic Messenger Game Review Part 1: Intro

~ + ~

Yoosung Kim is the youngest member of the RFA, and he’s also the sweetest, the cutest, and the most innocent. He’s a college kid obsessed with video games, and he’s often naive to Seven’s silly pranks. But although it seems like he could be teased easily, he’s totally not someone for you to underestimate.

When I first played this game and ended up on Yoosung’s route without realizing it, I was totally unprepared to meet the depressing side of him. As Rika’s cousin, he looked up to her as a role model, so he was pretty miserable once he heard about her death. But when the MC takes Rika’s position and brings the RFA back into motion, Yoosung becomes motivated once again.

However, the MC strongly reminds Yoosung of Rika, which ignites a dangerous fire deep inside of him. Moreover, the MC’s mysterious appearance leads to multiple, strange events relating to a hacker and a sketchy organization called Mint Eye. Honestly, I felt nervous about what I should say to Yoosung without hurting him, and I felt bad he was left in the dark about Rika’s disappearance.

But overall, I thought Yoosung’s character development was very touching because he transformed from a seemingly weak person into someone willing to risk his life for the RFA. He turns out to be a truly lovable guy who is sincere about his affections toward the MC.

I think this route is the best one to pursue first because it does a nice job of taking you straight into a compelling story without giving away too much. It would leave you wanting to know more about V, Rika, and Mint Eye—who will all later have major roles in the game’s overall plot.

It’s hilarious the other RFA members find it cringey to see the development of Yoosung and the MC’s romance, but the whole thing is super cute. It had me smiling and laughing, so in the end it was hard for me to move on. Still, Yoosung will always be my favorite little cinnamon roll…

Something Pleasant

I sat down slouched on my chair,

thinking about the next poem I wanted to write.

I thought about letting out my emotions, my worries, my doubts

But then…

I should be brighter.

After all, who knows who’s reading my poems?

I Know There’s a Ghost

I think I know why people are talking less about themselves.

I think I know why nobody wants to reveal themselves.

It’s because there is a ghost,

A ghost we cannot identify

A ghost that leaves funny traces…

Un SaignmeNT

WHY

WHY

 

but you shouldn’t have, oh no you shouldn’t

and now my heart beats out of my chest

and im flipped upside down

and then im here again, but what am i–

why are you here?

 

On Stuttering

So, it’s currently National Stuttering Awareness Week (NSAW), from May 7^th to 13^th. Maybe I’m just a bit late, but oh well… it’s not like you can only be aware of it for seven days. But yeah, this event happens annually on the second week of May ever since 1988, thanks to the NSA (National Stuttering Association).

Well here I am with a super long blog post to spread the word about stuttering and how it is a problem to at least 70 million people on earth. That might seem like a small fraction of the world, and you probably haven’t even heard of NSAW before. It’s fine because I just recently found out too…

But anyway, this post is for all those who struggle with stuttering, and for those who might need a reminder of how difficult it can be. Here’s a little warning: I’m about to become kind of vulnerable (but not too personal, don’t worry).

Essentially, stuttering isn’t just a little thing we shouldn’t be too concerned about. It’s not like accidentally tripping over cracks in the sidewalk, and neither is it like making mistakes in pen.

People who stutter can’t help but have choppy and uneven speech, and it’s often hard for them to get their own words out. No stutter is the same: they might repeat syllables, elongate their sounds, have blockages, or a whole combination of these. But this doesn’t mean they’re dumb or retarded, and it doesn’t just happen because they’re shy or nervous—they stutter even when they’re in a good mood and are perfectly fine.

And it’s a problem. It’s hard to communicate, and it’s hard to express ourselves. As a result, we get worried that other people would get impatient with us. We get anxious that they wouldn’t really understand what we try to say. It just makes us insecure and afraid to speak at all. It sucks to be the odd one out and to feel isolated, and so we’d wish we were fluent enough to not miss out on opportunities like friendships.

But I know that everyone has a voice that needs to be heard, no matter how loud or quiet a person can be. I believe that everyone has a soul, no matter how cold and cruel that someone might seem. The thing is, we all have problems that make a huge impact on the way we live our lives and the way others perceive us.

To the One Who I Don’t Know Yet

Just to think:

That I’m going to keep pushing you away

with all these storms that trouble my mind—

But you’re going to keep running back to me,

fighting against my wind…

Ready Player One | Movie Review

“What part of your past are you trying to escape, Halliday?”

“From filmmaker Steven Spielberg comes the science fiction action adventure Ready Player One based on Ernest Cline’s bestseller of the same name, which has become a worldwide phenomenon. The film is set in 2045, with the world on the brink of chaos and collapse. But the people have found salvation in the OASIS, an expansive virtual reality universe created by the brilliant and eccentric James Halliday. When Halliday dies, he leaves his immense fortune to the first person to find a digital Easter egg he has hidden somewhere in the OASIS, sparking a contest that grips the entire world. When an unlikely young hero named Wade Watts decides to join the contest, he is hurled into a breakneck, reality-bending treasure hunt through a fantastical universe of mystery, discovery and danger.”

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Thriller/Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Director: Steven Spielberg

Release Date: March 29, 2018

~ + ~

After staying up all night to finish Ernest Cline’s book, I watched the movie that same day. Well I actually got about two hours of sleep, but yeah it’s probably not a good idea. I should’ve started the book earlier too. However, I was super motivated to finish the awesome book, and I was excited to see the movie on the most convenient weekend I had (cause I’m a busy person).

I came to the theater knowing full and well that there’s going to be a bunch of changes to the book. I’ve read some articles and other spoiler-free reviews that told me I’d be disappointed if I’ve read the novel. And I knew that some things had to be replaced or removed because of rights and limited screen time. But in my seat, I was shook cause there were MORE CHANGES than I expected. It felt like half of the book changed.

So was I disappointed? Actually… I was smiling. Okay, maybe it’s partly because it’s an interesting movie to review, but I didn’t feel like walking out of the theater.

Although it’s not completely true to the book, I still think it’s a great movie. Steven Spielberg did an amazing job, and the special effects of the OASIS has a cool video game feel to it. There’s a lot of references to pop culture in the ‘80s (it’s almost LITERALLY PACKED in the book), and I loved seeing a whole ton of Easter eggs on the big screen. The movie’s full of action, adventure, and intense video gaming—including the actual Atari 2600 game called Adventure, which contains the very first video game Easter egg to be discovered in history.

This review will be spoiler-free. I’ll make a few comparisons with the book, but I won’t give away anything that might make you mad… At least, it wouldn’t make ME mad if I were to pretend I’m reading this for the first time…